Top 5 Most Disappointing Films I watched for the first time during COVID

If you're familiar with the stuff I waffle on about on this blog, you'd know that, during this silly old pandemic, I've managed to discover and finally get around to watching many films that were around beforehand. I've seen over 110 now, and many of them have been fabulous. But, you can't watch that many movies without at least a few bad apples, can you?

When looking at the weaker pre-existing films I watched for the first time during COVID, not many of them have been bad per se. A lot of them are, at worst, just a bit bland / boring. So, I couldn't really make a 'Top 10 Worst Films I watched for the first time during COVID list' without it feeling somewhat misleading a label. However, I have seen a fair amount of movies that I can safely say were disappointments - films I'd wanted to be one thing that ended up not being such. 

So, this list will honour those, the most disappointing films I watched for the first time during COVID. These will be in no particular order, as I can't really pinpoint which was the most disappointing, second most disappointing, and so on. Also, don't let this deter you from checking any of these out, as you may see something in them that I wasn't able to. Of all my lists, this one is probably the most subjective. So, let's get on with it!

5. Sausage Party (2016)

This is by far the worst film I watched for the first time during COVID, worse than all the other entries on this list. But, remember, this isn't about the worst, but the most disappointing. I didn't have amazingly high hopes for Sausage Party, but I was still intrigued to see it. I love animation and a more adult animated film is always something I appreciate, as I don't like the stereotype that it's a medium for children. Unfortunately, this film is only adult in the most childish ways. It's the sort of thing I'd associate with adult movies as a 12 or 13 year-old; swearing, sex, drugs, etc. It's not adult in any clever ways but just in the most crass ways. Additionally, the themes of the movie to do with unity in spite of cultural differences aren't as clever as the film thinks they are, nor are they particularly mature. I mean, Trolls World Tour from last year basically had the same message and that is a film that directly appeals to youngsters. On top of that, the animation is really ugly, so this wasn't even pleasant for the eyes like many weak animated films end up being. Some of the voice acting is good, I did chuckle every once in a while (I mean, swearing will always make me laugh) and I am glad that a mainstream adult animated film exists, but I was so disappointed by just how uninspired this was. Bleh.

4. Tales from Earthsea (2006) 

I've really come to love Studio Ghibli during this pandemic, and one of the best things about them is that they really don't have any bad movies; the worst they generally get is just okay. That being said, they've had a couple of disappointing outings, and this sure is one of them. I'm not familiar with the source material that Tales from Earthsea is based on, but I was drawn in by the genre. I love fantasy stuff; as in knights, kingdoms, dragons, magic, and such - that stuff is my jam. So, to see Studio Ghibli doing a film containing those elements with some of their own special touches was an exciting prospect. It's such a shame that the end result is a film so tragically boring and unengaging. I wasn't swept into this world in the same way that I was with Spirited Away or Princess Mononoke. I can't even vaguely remember the characters or the plot, and I only watched it a few months ago, that just shows how utterly detached I was from this. Worst of all, despite having a dragon on the poster, there's only like two minutes of dragons in the movie. Dragons are literally the most awesome thing ever, and they were so underused here. If that's how the source material is and Ghibli were adapting it faithfully, then I guess that's not their problem, but I don't know so I'm just going to pin it on them. Of course, it's beautiful to watch, but even the most gorgeous visuals can't salvage a movie when it's so narratively dull. This isn't the worst Ghibli movie for me, I personally think Porco Rosso is a little worse as this has a slightly more interesting set-up, but it was still so weak. I may give it another chance one day, but I don't think that day is in the forseeable future. Fortunately, Gorō Miyazaki showed he can make a decent movie with From Up on Poppy Hill, a formulaic but still amiable watch. Although, I haven't seen Earwig and the Witch yet...

3. Alpha (2018) 

This is another film that drew me in with the premise. Another thing I love is prehistoric stuff, so Alpha didn't have to do much to convince me to watch it when it arrived on Netflix. I hoping for this to be a simple and dramatic yet enjoyable adventure through the prehistoric wilderness, like a more serious take on the environment of the Ice Age films, if that makes sense. While this definitely was simple and dramatic, it was anything but enjoyable. This is such a ridiculously slow mover, it takes ages to get going and doesn't do anything remotely interesting or exciting when it does. I honestly could not tell you a single plot beat if you asked me to. The visuals and cinematography are occasionally striking and impressive, but the baffling slow pace made this really uninteresting and, once again, boring, a feeling I hate to feel. In the end, it just felt like a waste - a waste of some competent filmmaking, a waste of an intriguing premise, and definitely a waste of my time. There's nothing particularly offensive here, it was generally a fine watch, but I don't think I'll ever come back to this, which is a real shame because I imagined this would be one of those films I'd end up really liking and even adding to my list of underrated / overlooked movies. If you're one of the two people that's thinking about watching this, may I recommend you instead watch the recent adaptation of The Call of the Wild with Harrison Ford? It got a similar critical reception and also has similar thematic elements, but I personally enjoyed it so much more. It's not one of the best films I watched in this time, but it's one that I do think was wrongfully overlooked by many as there's some really solid stuff on display, definitely more so than with Alpha.

2. Brüno (2009) 

I hoped for this to be another funny outing with one of Sacha Baron Cohen's characters, whom I have very much become more familiar with during COVID. But, forgive me for sounding like a broken record, it was ever so boring. The main problem with this film is that it does hardly anything interesting with its main character. Borat is funny because he's a guy exploring a country that is culturally very different from where he is from in extreme ways, Ali G is funny because he's an informal guy put into government, and even the guy from The Dictator is funny for similar reasons to Borat but also because he's stripped of his status and struggles to adjust. Brüno is a very flamboyantly homosexual guy, which in itself definitely has the potential for some funny moments, and while there are fragments of such here and there, I honestly cannot remember a single thing that happened nor can I recall a single thing that made me laugh, except that gag near the start where he gets stuck to that curtain or whatever it was (I can only just about remember). As a result, the barely eighty-minute runtime felt so long, and I switched it off faster than I've ever switched off anything as soon as the credits began rolling. It wasn't terrible, Sacha Baron Cohen is still a great actor giving his all, but I just didn't find this clever or funny at all, which is the worst reaction you could possibly want from a comedy.

1. Cats (2019)

You might be a little confused when seeing that this is one of the most disappointing films I watched during COVID. Right away, let me clarify that I was not hoping Cats would be good. I rarely want a film to be bad, but sometimes watching a film so outrageously terrible and misguided can be an interesting experience, more so that something that's just a boring movie. The reaction to Cats led me to believe it would be one of these films, so I went in expecting something absolutely horrendous and preparing to be amazed by some sheer incompetence. Imagine how let down I was when I finished this movie and thought it was just kind of dull. There are some bad things in it, the 'story' doesn't translate well from stage to screen and despite being a musical I never smiled, tapped my feet, or wanted to sing along, which I always do! However, although I tried, I just could not bring myself to hate this. I think it might be down to the fact that I've seen Cats on stage and am thus used to the strangeness of it, unlike many uneducated others. The cats looked odd at first but after some time I got used to them, and the songs themselves aren't bad at all. All it amounted to in the end wasn't a horrendously shocking mess but really just a bland musical, and as weird as it is to say, I think I'd rather have sat through the former, because at least it would've been something. 

As much as I love to spread word of the positives during these tough times, I feel I should also touch on the negatives too, because it is the negatives that help us appreciate the positives in the ways that we do. While none of these were crushing disappointments, it is still a shame that a few movies I thought I'd get something out of weren't able to deliver. But, don't fear, I have another list of 10 great films I watched for the first time during COVID, and that'll be out very shortly.